


Her Animal Within

by GovernorKristique



Series: Acquiescence [12]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:28:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28931016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GovernorKristique/pseuds/GovernorKristique
Summary: Linda Miles and Brenda Murphy continue to allow Jodie to visit Joan as she recovers from her recent attack. Some new information comes to light, and the consequences are fatal.CW: Violence, mentions of Joan's rape but nothing is described.
Relationships: Joan Ferguson/Jodie Spiteri, Jodie Spiteri/Vicky Kosta, Linda Miles/Brenda Murphy
Series: Acquiescence [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050788
Comments: 15
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

“How’s the pain?” Jodie asked softly as she gently rubbed up and down the older woman’s arm. Joan looked up at the young girl sitting on the edge of her bed. “A little better than it was,” she said quietly. Jodie picked up one of Joan’s hands and held it in both of hers. “I’m so sorry this happened to you,” she whispered. Joan shook her head and smiled sadly. “We all must pay for our sins I’m afraid,” she replied. Jodie squeezed her hand and lowered herself to meet Joan’s eyes. “Nobody deserves this Joan,” she said gently. Tears welled in Joan’s eyes as she let Jodie stroke her hair. “I’m so grateful that you’re here Jodie. Thank you,” Joan whispered as she wiped a tear from her cheek. “What made you...why did you come?” she asked softly. Jodie sighed and released her grasp on Joan’s hand. “I didn’t have to think about it. When Ms. Murphy told me what happened, I couldn’t bear the thought of you going through this alone,” she answered. Joan offered a tiny smile and gave her arm a squeeze. “Your kindness never fails to astonish me Jodie,” she said quietly. “Well, despite everything I still care about you Joan,” she said honestly. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done my darling,” Joan whispered as she reached up to caress Jodie’s cheek. “You deserve the world, and the pain I’ve caused you is...incomprehensible. I’m very proud of you Jodie, and I’m grateful you will soon be free of this place and everyone in it,” Joan whispered with a sad smile. “Shhh, we don’t need to talk about that now Joan. Let’s just focus on helping you heal,” Jodie smiled and placed her hand over Joan’s cupping her cheek. “I missed you, you know,” the young girl said softly. Joan swallowed a lump in her throat as she grasped Jodie’s hand in both of her own. “It’s unfathomable to me how you could miss me after how much I’ve hurt you,” she said quietly. Jodie nodded slowly and placed her hand on Joan’s hip. “Can you move?” she inquired. “I don’t think I can stand for long. But yes, I can move,” Joan said as she started lifting herself up. Jodie shook her head, “no, just...move over,” she smiled. 

Joan blinked back tears as she slowly shifted her hips towards the wall and lifted up her blanket. Jodie laid down and pulled the covers over her body, lying on her side to face her former lover. She rested her arm on Joan’s hip, and the two laid in silence for a little while. After a few minutes, Jodie inched closer and wordlessly wiped the tears slowly running down Joan’s cheeks. “I know you didn’t mean to do it Joan…” Jodie said softly. Joan closed her eyes and took a slow breath. “How can you be so nice to me Jodie?” she whispered, her lip quivering. Jodie sighed and looked away. “Because I still love you Joan,” she whispered as she snaked her hand underneath her sleeve. Joan grabbed her arm and slowly pulled her hand away, bringing it to her lips and leaving a gentle kiss on Jodie’s palm. “I will always love you my darling,” she said quietly. Jodie’s lip quivered as her gentle tears turned into sobs. “Shhh, come here my sweet girl,” Joan coaxed, pulling Jodie into her chest. The girl cried into Joan’s teal sweater as the older woman kissed the top of her head and held her tight. Joan held her silently for a long time, stroking her hair and letting her cry until she couldn’t anymore. Jodie sniffed and laid her head on the pillow, staring at Joan with bloodshot eyes. “Why couldn’t you have just stayed away from him?” she whispered. Joan sighed and winced as she propped herself up to sit against the wall. “I should have. I should’ve known I would lose control if he provoked me. I’m not...well. There’s a deficit in my character Jodie, and no matter how hard I’ve tried, I haven’t been able to correct it. You should go my darling. You aren’t safe around me. Nobody is,” Joan said as she stroked Jodie’s hair. Jodie looked up and studied Joan’s eyes. “Do you want me to leave?” she asked. Crushed, Joan inhaled sharply and cupped Jodie’s cheek. “It’s what’s best my angel. I could never forgive myself if...I harmed you. More than I already have,” she said, her voice quivering. “Please don’t make me leave,” Jodie pleaded. She laid her head down in Joan’s lap and wrapped her arms around the older woman’s waist. “I don’t know what else to do my dearest,” she said sadly as she affectionately played with her hair. “Then don’t do anything. Please...,” Jodie replied. Joan twirled a strand of the young woman’s hair around her finger. “We can’t be around each other like this much longer Jodie. It’s too hard. I don’t think I could bear it,” Joan whispered. Jodie sat up and sat on her knees, bringing her to eye-level with the former governor. “I can’t bear being away from you,” she said in a small voice. Joan’s lips parted and her eyes softened. “I know it’s hard my darling. I miss you every day. But I just...I can’t see how we can come back from this. I mean, would you ever be able to forgive me?” she asked nervously. Jodie put her hand on Joan’s thigh and looked away. “I honestly don’t know. Maybe, in time. But I want to. I really do want to forgive you,” she whispered. Joan smiled weakly and nodded. “That’s more than I could ever ask for my darling,” she said softly. Jodie shifted closer and ran her hand down Joan’s jet-black locks, cupping her head in her small hand. She leaned forward painfully slowly, and let her lips hover an inch away from Joan’s as the older woman’s breath caught. “Are you sure you want to do this?” the raven-haired woman whispered softly. Jodie ran her thumb along the crimson bottom lip before her and tightened her grasp on the back of Joan’s head. “Yes,” she whispered breathlessly before allowing her lips to touch Joan’s. Joan closed her eyes and basked in her lover’s gentle kiss, wrapping both arms around Jodie’s neck and pulling her close. They lost themselves in each other’s warmth, a comfortable peace washing throughout their bodies. Jodie pulled away and stared in amazement at the Russian woman. 

The door opened and Brenda stuck her head in, summoning Jodie. “Time to go love. Shift change’s in half an hour,” she whispered. “Okay, thanks Ms. Murphy,” she smiled. “I love you,” she whispered, leaning in close to Joan’s ear. “I love you more precious girl,” Joan whispered back with a serene smile. Jodie got up and turned to look at Joan once more before Brenda escorted her out of the cell. 


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next little while, Joan was able to return to her usual activities. She kept a close eye on Juice and her crew, taking mental notes as she watched Kosta spend her time with the “boys”. Kaz and Allie had graciously welcomed her into their crew, and Joan was thankful to be protected by a woman who empathized with her. However, she was growing tiresome of Kaz’s constant demands to know who had ganged her in the showers. It would be unwise to disclose, and besides, Joan was already well on her way to planning her own revenge. She sat at a picnic table in the yard absentmindedly playing a game of cards with the women in her unit, as she noticed Juice slip Kosta a shiv. She raised her eyebrow as Kosta caught her eye, grinning devilishly as she slipped the shiv down the back of her pants. 

\---

Linda Miles knocked on the door to the Governor’s office. “Yes Ms. Miles?” Vera prompted. “Spiteri here for ya Governor,” she responded. Vera nodded and waved Jodie in. “Hi Governor,” Jodie said shyly. Vera crossed her arms and studied the young woman. “Ms. Miles said there was something urgent you wanted to discuss?” she asked. “Um, yeah,” Jodie swallowed nervously. “I want to retract my testimony against Joan Ferguson. I want to drop the charges filed against her,” Jodie said quietly. Vera cocked her eyebrow and tilted her head curiously. “And why would you want to do that?” she pressed. Jodie sat on her hands and looked down. “Because I made it all up. I lied about everything Governor,” she said. Vera chuckled, unsettling the girl as the governor shook her head. “Is she threatening you? Forcing you to drop the charges?” Vera asked, looking at Jodie with accusation. Jodie’s lips parted as she shook her head in a panic. “No, she’s not threatening me. How could she? She’s on the other side of the prison Ms. Bennett,” she insisted. “I...was jealous. Of you. I was angry at her and wanted revenge, so I lied and claimed she raped and tortured me,” Jodie said as a tear came to her eye. “And why would you have been jealous of our relationship?” Vera interrogated with anger brewing behind her ocean blue eyes. “Come on Governor...you already know,” Jodie shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Know what?” Vera feigned ignorance. Jodie sighed. “Joan and I were together, before I was arrested. I saw the two of you together and it broke me. I was arrested for trying to buy a large amount of drugs the following night,” she explained. Vera huffed, “yes I figured as much Jodie. That was months ago. So why wait to file charges against her, hm?” she asked. “I...couldn’t stand seeing both of you around here every day so…” Jodie trailed. “Well Jodie, I can’t say I’m overwhelmingly convinced. Besides, by law, Joan Ferguson  _ did _ sexually assault you. You were an inmate under her care, and she exploited that. The charges won’t simply be dropped,” Vera explained, her voice dripping with jealousy and frustration. “But her sentence would be reduced if I told the courts that I lied, right?” she asked. Vera sighed, refusing to directly answer the question. “You know filing false charges will add additional time to your sentence Spiteri. Are you sure you want to do that?” Vera taunted. Jodie nodded and crossed her arms. “I deserve it, don’t I?” she sighed. Vera got up and circled around her desk, leaning against it and gripping the edges tightly. She looked up to ensure Ms. Miles wasn’t eavesdropping. “Jodie you and I both know what Joan has done. She’s gotten away with murder,  _ more _ than once,” Vera hissed. “She deserves to be here. Even with the charges you filed against her she’s serving less time than she should,” she rasped. Jodie looked up as the sadness washed away from her face, and was replaced with a stern gaze. “Ms. Bennett if you interfere with me dropping the charges, I will take this to the ombudsman,” she said quietly as she got up and left the office. Gobsmacked, Vera sank back into her chair and rubbed her temples. She abruptly smacked her nameplate and business cards to the ground as anger swelled in her chest. 

\----

Jodie removed her robe and stepped into the shower. She cried quietly as she worked shampoo through her hair. She had to fix this. She didn’t yet know how she was going to forgive Joan for murdering her father, but the more time she spent with Joan, the guiltier she felt about condemning her to such an awful place. Joan wouldn’t have been ganged if she hadn’t falsified charges against her. Lost in her thoughts, she rinsed the soap from her body and rubbed her eyes. She jumped as she heard the shower curtain pull back. “Shit, sorry,” Kosta apologized. “Didn’t mean to scare you Jodes,” she said as she hung up her prison-issue robe, identical to Jodie’s, and joined the girl in the shower. “It’s okay,” Jodie said quietly as she sniffed. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Kosta asked softly as she held Jodie’s face in her hands. Jodie shook her head and looked away, “just missing my dad I guess,” she murmured. “I’m sorry babe,” Kosta whispered and planted a kiss on her lips. “Look I know this doesn’t help with you missing your old man, but if it makes you feel any better, that psycho bitch got what was coming to her,” she murmured as she hugged Jodie. Jodie’s lips parted and her eyes widened. She stiffened in Kosta’s embrace, and slowly pulled back. “What’re you talking about Vicky?” she asked cautiously. Kosta smirked and ran her fingers through Jodie’s wet hair. “You must’ve heard what happened by now Jodes. She was ganged, torn up pretty bad I reckon. She won’t be able to hurt you ever again,” Kosta smiled as she leaned in for a kiss. Jodie stepped back and looked suspiciously at the girl, “Vicky, did you have something to do with it?” she pressed, praying it couldn’t be true. “I didn’t touch her Jodie,” Kosta retorted. “But you knew about it?” Jodie asked as her lip quivered. Kosta sighed and gripped Jodie by her forearms. “It’s done. She killed your father Jodie, and she’s not paying for it because I stuffed it up with the cops. You and your mum deserve justice. I had to do something,” Kosta insisted. Jodie’s chest tightened as she willed herself to breathe. “Jodes she manipulated you. She made you fall for her and then did everything she could to ruin your life! You deserve so much better than that babe,” Kosta said gently. Jodie’s eyes softened and she offered Kosta a tiny smile. “I suppose you’re right,” she agreed. “So you’re not mad?” Kosta asked, searching Jodie’s eyes. “I mean, I guess a little. But I get it...and I know how this place is. If you didn’t strike her down she probably would’ve come after you right?” Jodie shrugged. Kosta squeezed her hand and smiled. “I’m glad you understand. Now, let me help you forget about all of this…” Kosta whispered as she slid her hand down Jodie’s belly and cupped her mound. Jodie leaned in to kiss Kosta, her small hands cupping her face. As Kosta trailed her fingers up and down Jodie’s slit, the young girl gripped a handful of Kosta’s curly hair in her fist. “Fuck Jodes, you know what I like…” Kosta moaned softly. Kosta’s kisses usually tasted sweet due to the fruity vape juice she often smoked in her cell. But all Jodie could taste was rot.  _ When your opponent is down, it is the opportune time to strike.  _

Jodie tightened her grasp on Kosta’s hair and smacked her head into the shower wall. “Jodes what the fuck are you doing?!” Kosta screamed as Jodie grabbed with both of her hands and repeatedly slammed her head into the concrete. She watched with intrigue as her blood ran down the wall and mixed with the warm water of the shower, swirling together and disappearing in the drain. Kosta sank down to the ground and rested her head against the wall, her nose bleeding as her eyes were half-closed in a daze. Jodie stepped out of the shower and grabbed the prison issue robe. She tied it around her waist and plunged her hands in the pockets when she nicked her finger on something sharp. “She deserved it. I did it for you Jodes! I love you,” Kosta said lazily as she let the blood drip down her lips. Jodie knelt down and cupped Kosta’s cheek in her hand, giving Kosta a sinister smile. “Well that’s just too bad isn’t it? I’m in love with her Vicky. Call it sick and twisted all you like,” she taunted as she pulled the shiv from her pocket. Kosta’s eyes widened in fear as Jodie continued. “You were right Kosta. You truly did fuck it up,” she sneered as she pressed the blade firmly into the side of Kosta’s neck and ripped it across her throat. Jode breathed heavily as she watched the life drain from Kosta’s eyes. She dropped the shiv and fell back onto the floor, her eyes welling with tears as her hands began to shake. The full weight of what she’d just done began to sink in as she fixed her gaze on the blood dripping from her palms.

Jodie was startled when she heard the door swing open. Ms. Murphy ducked her head into the shower to check to see if it was clear. Her jaw dropped as she noticed Jodie curled up in the corner of the stall as Kosta’s lifeless body lay next to her. “Shit Jodie…” she whispered as her eyes widened. “What? What’s happened?” Jodie heard Joan’s voice say as she pushed past the officer. Joan’s lips parted as she observed the scene before her. “Jodie…” she whispered in shock. “Wh...what did you do?” she asked softly, her eyes swimming with pain. She grabbed Jodie’s arm and guided her towards the sink. She washed the girl’s hands thoroughly and removed her robe. Ms. Murphy wordlessly picked up the other one and draped it over Jodie’s shoulders. Jodie cried quietly as Joan guided her arms through the sleeves, and tied the belt around her waist. “She...she admitted...she was a part of what they did to you,” Jodie sobbed. “I don’t know what happened, I just...I just…” she stammered. Joan pulled her close and stroked her hair. “You lost control,” she said quietly. She shot Ms. Murphy an urgent look. “You need to get her back to her unit. Now,” she demanded. Brenda began to shake her head and opened her mouth to protest. “Take her back Brenda!” Joan barked. “What? Joan I-” Jodie started through shaky breaths. “I am not letting you go down for this Jodie. Go with Ms. Murphy. Now,” Joan snapped. Brenda gripped Jodie’s bicep and dragged her out of the showers as Joan scanned the floor. When she located the shiv, she picked it up and washed it, hoping to scrub away any traces of Jodie’s fingerprints. She hit the panic button and crouched down next to Kosta, smearing her blood over her hands and coating the shiv with the stream of wine-coloured fluid still cascading down her throat. “You couldn’t just keep to yourself, could you? Worthless...,” she tutted. Ms. Miles and Mr. Jackson burst through the door. “Ferguson what the fuck did you do?!” Linda stammered. Joan dropped the shiv and calmly allowed Mr. Jackson to handcuff her. “Jesus Christ Joan…” he murmured quietly as he led her out the door for a long stay in the slot. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Why did you cover for her?” Ms. Miles asked Joan a few days later, standing in her doorway of her cell in the slot. “I see you’ve been speaking with Ms. Murphy. Don’t waste my time with stupid questions Lin-da, you know why I covered for her,” Joan tutted. Linda crossed her arms and cocked her eyebrow, waiting for more of a response. Joan relented and turned to face Ms. Miles. “Jodie’s better than this. She always has been. It’s my responsibility to take care of her. She wouldn’t be in here if it weren’t for me, and Kosta wouldn’t have either. She’s only twenty three, I’m not going to let her throw her life away because she had a moment of weakness,” Joan stated matter-of-factly. She sighed and gripped the edge of her mattress. “Besides, she went after Kosta because of me. I never expected she would cross that line, but she did...she wanted to avenge me. Anyone is capable of ending the life of another. But I won’t let her turn out like me. The longer she’s here, the higher the risk of Jodie losing herself. You know how vulnerable she is,” Joan said quietly. “What did Kosta do to you?” Linda asked suspiciously. Joan gave her a knowing look and waited for the blonde officer to catch on. Her eyes widened as she looked down, “shit,” she muttered under her breath, “I’m sorry,” she said awkwardly. “No matter. It’s over now. How is Jodie doing?” Joan asked with a pleading look in her eye. Linda sighed and shrugged. “She’s torn up about it of course. Isn’t sleeping, doesn’t have an appetite at all. We’re looking out for her, but to be frank she’s a mess,” Linda admitted. “I was afraid of that,” Joan said softly. “Will you please stay close to her? I’m worried she might...hurt herself,” Joan admitted sadly. “Of course Joan. Brenda’s checking in on her now, but she’ll be coming by any minute to see ya. In fact, we have a surprise for you,” she winked. “How thoughtful. If I am to spend the next six weeks alone here without anything to do, I am of course grateful for unexpected gifts,” she said with a smile. Linda turned and looked down the hall with a grin. “Speak of the devil and she shall appear,” she said with a hint of sass in her voice. “That’s enough out of you,” Brenda swatted Linda’s arm playfully. Joan watched with intrigue, picking up on the obvious chemistry between the officers. “Can you go watch over Jodie?” Brenda asked Linda quietly. Linda nodded and closed the door behind her. “I’ve been told you come bearing gifts?” Joan purred. Brenda chuckled and reached into her back pocket. “I was feeling generous Joanie. Merry fuckin’ Christmas ya nutcase,” Brenda drawled as she passed the prisoner a phone. “I’ve just given one to Jodie as well. Her number’s in there already. But if anyone catches ya, I had nothing to do with it,” she said. Joan’s lips parted as she stood up to accept the phone. “Thank you,” she said quietly as she touched Brenda’s arm. The phone vibrated in her hand, and she looked down to read her first message from Jodie.

_ Joan, are you there? _ The message said. 

_ Yes my darling. Ms. Miles is on her way to keep a lookout for you. Call me when you can. _ Joan replied.

“Will you keep watch so I can talk to her?” Jodie asked softly. Brenda smiled and squeezed her shoulder. “Course love. Five minutes, I’ll be needed in the yard soon,” she replied. The phone buzzed and Jodie sat down on the bed and answered it as Ms. Murphy stood outside the door to give her some privacy.

“Hello my darling,” Joan whispered. 

“Hi Joan,” Jodie whispered back.

“How are you coping? Are you alright?” Joan inquired gently.

“I...don’t know. I keep seeing her face every time I try to fall asleep. I can’t eat much, and when I do eat I can’t keep it down. I can’t stop crying. I’ve never felt so guilty in my entire life. How could I…” Jodie trailed, unable to say the words aloud.

“Why did you do it?” Joan asked softly. 

“When she admitted she was involved in...what happened to you, I just lost it. I saw red. I  _ wanted _ to hurt her. I  _ wanted _ to kill her. I didn’t think about it, I just...did it,” Jodie said shakily.

“My dearest, despite what most people want to believe, we are  _ all _ capable of killing someone who has hurt us. And in most circumstances, we don’t plan to,” Joan soothed. 

Jodie sighed as she wiped a tear from her eye. “You don’t think any less of me?” she asked quietly.

Joan was taken aback as she tried to keep her voice down. “No my darling of course not. How could I? My hands aren’t exactly clean. Jodie nothing you could do would make me love you any less,” she whispered reassuringly. The younger woman sighed and swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Joan, I think I...understand now. I see how you did what you did to my dad...I wish you didn’t. It still breaks my heart. And while I don’t think I’ll be able to move on from that for a long time...I forgive you. Truly and completely,” she whispered.

Joan’s heart swelled and her bottom lip quivered as she found herself speechless for the first time in a long while. “Jodie I...don’t know what to say,” she said in a small voice. 

“You don’t need to say anything. I miss you,” Jodie whispered.

“I miss you too sweet girl,” Joan replied. 

“How long until they let you out of the slot?” Jodie asked sadly.

“Six weeks,” Joan said.

“I’m so sorry,” Jodie whispered.

Joan shook her head and spoke with purpose. “Do not apologize my darling. I am grateful that I could protect you from this. You deserve so much more,” Joan whispered. 

Brenda knocked softly on the door and held up a finger, indicating Joan had a minute left. She nodded in response and sighed. “Keep your head down and stay out of trouble. Take your medication, and send me a text message anytime you need to my angel. We will see each other before too long, I promise,” Joan whispered. 

“Okay,” Jodie said in a tiny voice. “I love you,” she whispered softly. 

“I love you too Jodie. Sleep well my darling,” Joan whispered in response. 

She tucked the phone underneath the mattress and gently tapped the window with the tip of her finger to get Ms. Murphy’s attention. The officer unlocked the door and opened it a crack, keeping her back leaned against the wall and scanning the area to keep an eye out for the officer scheduled to relieve her. “How’d it go?” Brenda whispered. Joan smiled and snaked her hand out through the crack of the door, squeezing Ms. Murphy’s hand in appreciation. “I think we might eventually be okay,” she whispered joyfully. “Oy, hands off the goods darlin’. Don’t want Jodie gettin’ jealous,'' Brenda joked. “Ms. Murphy, I’m surprised at you!” Joan mocked. “I would never...especially considering that you prefer blondes,” Joan teased. Brenda raised an eyebrow and grinned. “That obvious, huh?” she retorted. “Mmm perhaps not to everyone, but it is to me. I must say I’m surprised, I thought Ms. Miles was heterosexual,” Joan admitted. “Yeah. So did she,” Brenda laughed. Joan chuckled and shook her head. “I presume this is a new relationship?” Joan pressed. Brenda nodded slowly and bit her lip. “First date’s tonight actually,” she said. Joan raised her eyebrow and smiled. “Well, in that case I wish you the best of luck. Can I...offer you some unsolicited advice?” Joan asked softly. “Where did I go wrong in my life that I’m accepting dating tips from a madwoman?” Brenda murmured with a playful grin. Joan rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Wear your hair down Brenda. It will make you look...softer,” Joan said kindly. 

  
  
  



End file.
